Motivation is a Gremlin

Motivation is a Gremlin
Photo Credit: Warner Brothers

If you had the pleasure of seeing me in July, which a lot of my friends in Australia did for the first time in 2 years, you would have met the most of me that has ever been. I won't bore you with the data of my fluctuating weight (because I have it all), but this has been a struggle for the last 15 years and 3 months. I remember the time well because it happened 6 weeks before my wedding. I used to weigh the same I have ever since I was 15, then my metabolism left me without even leaving me a note, and I put on 30 pounds (14kg) in a month. I went from being that annoying skinny guy who could eat whatever he wanted, to that annoying overweight guy. Unfortunately the weight gain didn't fix my annoyingness.

This was a lot to deal with both emotionally and physically - in that month, I developed stretch marks because it was so much weight so quickly. Lucky for me I got married shortly after so everyone thought it was honeymoon weight.

I kept this weight on until 13 years ago I met a very rude video game. It was called Wii Fit and it got you to weigh in on a balance board accessory. As it counted up the weight from zero to my weight, it made my avatar larger and larger until I was staring at a pudgy Mii. It said I was overweight (close to obese) and if I wanted to get to my perfect weight I needed to lose 22kg (48 pounds). With a strange of confidence, I said to my video game 'Ok'. It took 365 days but on the last day of the year (Did I mention that I started on the 1st of the year, and it was a Christmas present? No? Hmm, I guess I could go back and add it but is it really worth it? I guess I could take out the part that it was the last day of the year. But what if I want to link in something about New Years resolutions later. Hmm maybe I will just move on and hope people don't get distracted as I have that I didn't mention it). I weighed in 22kg lighter. I didn't achieve it a few months earlier and maintain it, it literally took every single day.

Now full of confidence, I said 'I will never get there again' and that is when everything I had done turned against me and my win became a curse.

I don't know why but I had such good reasons for losing weight. That November before I started my first daughter was born and I said to myself 'I don't want my daughter to ever remember her dad as being overweight'. Sounds like a good motivation and it worked until it freaking didn't. I started putting on the pounds and in a state of panic I started trying all of the things that I had done previously to lose weight (this time it was meal replacement shakes and an exercise program called P90X - some of you are giggling now because you've tried it as well), but NONE of it worked anymore. And now my motivation became a weight: 'I can't get fat, my daughter can't have a fat dad'.

Since then I have been on a continuous battle with my weight. Sometimes I have a win and a strong motivation like a film shoot for a live kids comedy special I headlined, and I got back to 5kg (12 pounds) of that magic weight I achieved once - then quickly ballooned back up. Each time I tried something new it works once then never seems to work again in the future. I have tried meal replacements, juice cleanses, a soup diet, Daniel's Diet, 5/2 Diet, Fasting, Keto and the weirdest one - a potato diet. Yes for 30 days all I ate was potatoes.

During this whole time my weight had fluctuated up and down by about 10kg (24 pounds), never really going close to 'ideal weight', but also staying away from the heaviest I had been that New Years Day almost 13 years ago. That was until this year on my birthday I weighed in and recorded my heaviest weight in my life and for the first time fell into the obese category.

My worst nightmare had happened, and that motivation came back to haunt me. Not only did my Grace grow up with an overweight Dad, she and her two sisters now have an obese Dad.

If you are as old as me, or if you are one of those people who have nostalgia for 80's pop culture (even though you were born in 2003), you would be aware of a movie called 'Gremlins'. Basically, there were cute pets but if you did something wrong like get them wet they turned into a monster. This is what had happened to me.

So what do we do? I am not 100% sure but I have an idea that I am going to try. I have been losing weight again (I am back down to just overweight) but today it seemed like things have stalled, and I want to give up. I keep asking myself 'why am I doing this?'. I need a motivation to keep going but not one that will turn against me. So it won't be about my family, or quality of life, or some moral/spiritual/emotional reason. This is my motivation for why I am on this diet and exercise plan.......

Because I want to.

Try turning that against me, you stupid gremlin.